Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Bagels, Idiot, South Dakota, South Dallas
I like my job because it allows me to be social in ways I’m normally not brave enough to be. I guess I feel safer chatting to strangers when I’m behind a counter and wielding a long serrated knife. There’s also a sort of intimacy that develops between two people who see each other on an almost daily basis, particularly when one knows the intricacies of the other’s breakfast and relishes the task of making it (or at least, appears to relish in order to score tips).
Today a man I had never met came in to order a sandwich. As I was taking his money I noticed his shirt advertised a tattoo parlor or something similar in South Dallas. Having lived in the Dallas area for almost a year, I was intrigued. I debated whether I wanted to ask him if he was from Dallas, and decided, what the heck, I’ll bite. I asked the man, “Are you from Dallas?”, nodding at his shirt. He told me he was actually from Ohio, and we had a discussion which mainly revolved around me explaining why I had lived in Texas, whether I preferred it to my home state, and the concrete of big city vs the greenery of small town. As he smiled at me and turned to walk away, wishing me a good day, I noticed his shirt actually said “South Dakota.”
I am an idiot.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Bagels, Disappointment, Garlic, Theivery, Yum
I am the Queen of the Not-Follow-Throughers. I completely intended to do that whole three-phase theme search that I wrote about several weeks ago, but…. I didn’t. I couldn’t think of a good idea for the “Universally Popular List” week, which isn’t so surprising as, if I could have, I would have done it already. I had a really good idea for the “Casual Journalism” theme, but I decided I wanted a new blog entirely for that as the name “Oh Thank God…” doesn’t really fit. But therein lies the problem: I can’t think of a name that a) fits and b) isn’t already taken. I’ve thought of a million different names and they all pretty much suk ballz.
So please just bear with me as I continue to regale you sporadically with tales from my life. Like this one:
As you may or may not know, my income is generated by the dedicated bagel-following of a local community. Kinda random, kinda mundane, but very tasty. Until now I’ve never been particularly loyal to one kind.
Garlic bagel + pizza sauce + a dash of Parmesan cheese = ohmigod heaven. I’m thoroughly addicted.
Now we don’t serve pizza sauce or parm at the cafe I work at, so at the end of the day if there are any garlic bagels left, I bring one home for my after-work snack, and oh do I look forward to that.
This is what happened today:
12:30 pm: There’s one lonely garlic bagel left in the basket. I say to co-worker #1, “Oh, I hope no one buys that bagel before the end of the day so I can have it for a snack!”
2:00 pm (Closing time): I’m rejoicing on the inside because there it sits, untouched, mixed in among the salt bagels. The doors have been locked (though one is still propped open with a chair so we don’t roast while we’re cleaning up), so there’s no hurry to claim it and put it in a bag away from the others just yet.
2:01 pm: A lady comes to the propped open door and asks if we’re still open. We’re not. Co-worker #2 generously lets her come in anyway. She mentions her love for garlic bagels. I begin to fear for my snack.
2:02 pm: I run into co-worker #1 in the kitchen and relate my fears to her. We go investigate the lady’s order; she’s standing at the register ready to pay and my bagel is still untouched!
2:02:30 pm: Co-worker #1 exclaims loudly about the situation, prompting the lady to inquire as to why co-worker #1 is exclaiming. Co-worker. #1 says, “Oh, it’s just that we had a bet about the one garlic bagel that’s left……..” Lady cuts in with, “Oh there’s a garlic bagel left? Can I have that one instead of the onion?”
Foiled. The late-coming thief gives me the biggest smile as she buys MY BAGEL and then leaves. With my bagel.
2:03 pm: I am reduced to shambles and have a left-over cookie instead.
Stop yelling at me for not posting yesterday 
10) Thou shalt not begin thy order with the phrase, “I need.” Thou needeth not, thou wanteth.
9) Thou shalt not change thy mind after thine bagel is sliced and in the toaster. Thy server may tell thou it is ok to get something else, but thy server lie-eth to be polite. Thy server hates thou already. Unless thy server is thy kin.
8 ) Thou art not the only customer in the shop. If thy server is not looking at thou, thy server is not talking to thou.
7) Thou shalt wait thy turn. In greeting thou, thy server is not requesting thine order. Especially if thy server is already working on several other orders (see commandment 8 )
6) Thou shalt not have thy bagel toasted when it is still fresh from the oven. It’s already too hot to eat, and toasting it is just going to make it hard. Not delicious.
5) Thou shalt never answer the question, “How are you?” served with a smile, with the response, “I need three plain bagels, double toasted, with bacon egg and cheese.” It’s rude and it makes me want to fart on your egg.
4) Thou shalt not repeat thine entire order when thy server asks thou for clarification on one detail. Thy server is not deaf or stupid, she just couldn’t remember which bagels were double toasted and which were burned to ash.
3) Thou shalt not ask for an entire pot of coffee to be brewed just for thou fifteen minutes before closing.
2) Speaking of what not to do before closing, thou shalt not waltz in five minutes before closing and order soup and a sandwich unless thou intend to eat it at thine own desk or in thine car.
1) Thou shalt leave a tip.
I’m serious.
